Some cultures carry their babies. Native Americans, Africans, Venezuelian tribes, Japanese, etc., They all wear their babies on their backs while working outside the home.
While this was probably done by necessity, it has been proven that babies thrive only while in contact with their parents.
The closeness to mom's skin reassures the baby and makes it feel safe.
This loving philosophy developed after WWII through the work of Benjamin Spoke and others.
Researchers discovered that using bottles, carriages and cribs do nor provide enough for babies' needs.
In 1993, William and Martha Sears came up with the first comprehensive book on Attachemnt Parenting.
In 1994, Attachment Parenting International was born.
As Muslims, this concerns us. Islam has always encouraged love and compassion.
Children are not to be hit and they must be respected.
Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) stressed that "one who is not merciful and loving to their children is not of us."
Here are the tenets of Attachment Parenting. See how it relates to Muslims:
- Birth bonding.
In Islam, we softly recite the Adhan (call to prayer) in the right ear of the child as soon as he or she is born. The takbeer (Iqamah) should be said in the left ear.
- Breastfeeding.
Breast milk is the perfect combination of protein, vitamins and fats. Breastfed kids have fewer health problems, including ear infections. Breast milk is known for giving children antibodies which help the baby fight viruses and bacterias. Breast milk lowers the occurence of asthma and allergies. Plus, breastfeeding is linked to a higher IQ and a lesser chance of obesity, cancer, and diabetes.
But do not take my word for it, and visit the website: https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/nursing-basics#1
- Baby wearing.
From the Najul Balagha, "A Profile of Imam Ali", we read: "He was born three years before the marriage of the Prophet with Lady Khadija. Soon after his birth the Prophet took him under his care and Ali was like a son to him. He used to live with the Prophet and used to sleep with him. (AP's "sharing sleep") He was fed by him, washed and dressed by him and even carried by him on a sling whenever he would go out. (AP's baby wearing)"
- Co-sleeping.
According to SIDS researcher James J. McKenna,
"Nighttime parent-infant co-sleeping during at least the first year of life is the universal, species-wide normative context for infant sleep, to which both parents and infants are biologically and psychosocially adapted…Solitary infant sleep is an exceedingly recent, novel, and alien experience for the human infant - a sensory - deprived microenvironment for which not all infants are equally prepared biologically."
In Islam, a child is not required to sleep alone until he is seven. "Order your children to observe Salat when they reach the age of seven [...] and arrange their beds (for sleeping) separately." (Abu Dawud)
So why choose AP personally?
I was able to practice AP, which is a huge commitment.
I was lucky enough to be able to stay home and take care of my children, which is not always the case for everyone.
I have noticed that AP allowed me to be closer to my children.
They listen more,
trust me more,
and confide in me more.
They are affectionate even between themselves.
Fostering love is always a good idea because loving children will love themselves, will trust the people around them, and will want to give back to the world.
I realize that this philosophy goes against the mainstream. In the USA, people tend to encourage their children to be more independent and to leave the nest early.
This has never been my philosophy.
I do not believe in forcing kids to live for themselves, by themselves, with pride and independence.
On the contrary, I believe my kids feel more confident about leaving the nest when they are ready. They know they will always be loved and find a harbor no matter what. This feeling fosters a sense of belonging and balance.
It's when you feel safe that you feel confident.
AP intends to create this safety nest.
I believe the more secure a child feels, the more he or she will be able to cope with stress and the challenges of life. And the more he or she will feel part of this world, accepted the way he or she is without having to prove himself or using false pride.
Pushing away a child when he cries, isolating a baby in a room and waiting out until it stops crying, refusing it the comfort of my arms, asking a child to toughen up, to make his or her own decisions alone, all of this does not reflect my faith as I understand it.
Jareer ibn Abdullah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah will not be merciful to those who are not merciful to people.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6941, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2319
Resources:
www.attachmentparenting.org
www.mothering.com
www.askdrsears.com
www.mamatoto.org